What We Really Mean by ‘It Takes a Village’

“Momma, she lives with her grandma and her aunt!” My daughter said in shock and in delight about another friend. “They all live together. Can you believe that?”

“Well she’s a lucky little girl,” I responded to my daughter. “It takes a lot of grown-ups to help kids become grown-ups.”

The pandemic has ripped our communities out from under us. Our families, our friends, our neighbors, and all of the grown-ups who helped us raise our children, seem to be so far away. While some of us have been raising our kids with a partner, some of us on our own, and others have created a mini village all under one roof. Multigenerational families are on the rise during this time, where three generations, including grandparents and young children, are living together. While quarters might be cramped with frequently interrupted Zoom calls, the benefits can outweigh the costs, including a whole host of adults to help raise the next generation.

My Grown-Ups, written by Kate Costigan and illustrated by Sarah K. Turner, is a wonderful reminder for my kids and myself of the importance of the adults in our lives. The book’s beautiful storytelling and illustrations show us that there is no one type of grown-up–and that they’ll be there for the tears, for the laughs, and for the lessons we learn along the way.

As I read the book with my two young kids, I was reminded of my own upbringing. I am the proud daughter of Indian immigrant parents, and my younger brother and I were both born and raised in the US. My father and mother left their families of nine and eight siblings, respectively, in India in hopes of starting a better life here. They were the only ones who immigrated in their families, leaving behind all of the grown-ups I would’ve had in my life.

I had always wished for a big family growing up, and wondered what it would be like to be surrounded by so many aunts and uncles and cousins. I was fortunate that my parents were two pivotal adults in my life, showering us with unwavering love and support. I had others in my life growing up, the aunties and uncles in our Indian community who loved and cared for me. They weren’t blood relatives, but that didn’t matter. Over the years, some grown-ups came and went, and others I am still in touch with today. In various moments, each one was there for me and helped contribute to the adult I am today.

“Your grown-ups might look different from mine, but that doesn’t matter. That’s AWESOME; that’s fine!” The book goes on to share. It includes wonderful stories and examples, serving as a reminder that grown-ups come in all shapes, sizes, colors and ages. “None of that matters, not in this story or out of its pages.”

For my kids, their grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, family friends and so many other village members are scattered across the country. While we haven’t been able to see everyone during this pandemic, FaceTime and family Zoom calls have helped my kids to stay connected to those helping to raise them. Sharing knock-knock jokes. Reading stories. Showing off artwork. Doing all the things a village does to help raise our children, albeit virtually.

While our access to grown-ups in person has been limited, I am hopeful for my kids with the start of the school year around the corner, they will meet more pivotal adults–their teachers, their Taekwondo masters, and the parents of their classmates. All the new grown-ups in our community and those they haven’t seen in awhile. I want them to know that their grown-ups, their family, aren’t just mom and dad. It’s all the adults who touch their lives and help shape who they will become, and to help them along their own journey of becoming a grown-up.

And as the book reminds us, the thing that is most important and true: No matter who your grown-ups are, they take care of and love you.

Mita Mallick is the Head of Inclusion, Equity and Impact at Carta and loves living in Jersey City with her husband and two young kiddos.