The lessons she learned during deployment are helping her family stay sane right now.
The current state of the world has forced “home” to move over and the “workplace” to move in. During this pandemic, working parents have been doing their best to keep the world running, while simultaneously raising the next generation. I know I’m not the only one who has taken a Zoom call while also running away from a child screaming at me. Our two worlds are colliding in an unprecedented way, and we must change our mentality to make this work.
Following the shelter in place order that went into effect in California this past March, my husband and I quickly realized the importance of teamwork and fair play in the successful management of work, life and childcare responsibilities. Having both served in the Navy concurrently with deployments to the Western Pacific and Middle East, our first words to each other were “just like deployment–got it.” There’s nothing quite like months surrounded by nothing but ocean, but the lessons we took from our experiences in the Navy have allowed us to maintain our (and our children’s) sanity, stay productive, communicate effectively and have a little fun while doing it. Here are our best tips and tricks:
Share plans for the week and day.
A weekly “meeting” with your home team to discuss priorities and major events is imperative for eliminating scheduling conflicts and keeping the ship sailing. Then, build out a master calendar. If you have older kids, let them create and add their own schedule (with your guidance and final approval of course). Ownership is huge, and this is a great opportunity to teach prioritization and time management to those older ones. Once created, look at what tasks may be overlapping. Does someone have a big meeting this week? Can one parent handle tasks early in the morning or after the kids go to bed to be more focused on the kids during the day? When necessary, set aside dedicated quiet time (i.e., for a client call, big project you’re working on, etc.). Work this into your day during a time where your partner is available to entertain the kids, nap time, or anywhere it fits best.
Debrief.
When the day is done, take some time together to plan for the following day. Did a meeting get added that might interfere with the original schedule? Does a craft or project need to be put together for the next day? What worked and what didn’t? Your master calendar is a living document and debriefing is important. Set aside 10 to 15 minutes at the end of each day to sort out any issues while also acknowledging progress. In doing go, you’ll set yourself, and your family, up for success tomorrow.
Have a plan and communicate.
When another ship is set to enter within a certain range of your ship, it is a requirement to call the Captain. We let the Captain know what we are doing, what they are doing, and our intended action. These determinations are made early, and as adjustments are made, the decision process begins again and new recommendations may be required. Working from home while also raising children amid COVID-19 is no different. Be honest with yourself and your boss when it comes to your availability and bandwidth to complete tasks. Set your action and milestone deadlines for each of your tasks in your calendar, and make sure it makes sense within the master calendar. Do you need more time? Can you move a deadline up because your partner has a little more flexibility this week? What do you need to get the work done? If you find that you can’t fit something in, come up with an alternate plan that is beneficial to you, your home and your team. Whether it is the ability to flex the deadline, delegate a portion of the task, or simply change your hours around, communication is key. Unprecedented times call for unprecedented measures. Be creative with your solutions. Remember: don’t just bring up a problem. Bring up a recommended solution. Adjust your course.
Everyone is a firefighter.
While we have designated individuals that are specialized in firefighting, everyone on a ship is provided that training to assist in damage control. A fire on a ship can get out of control very quickly. The more people there are to support the firefighting efforts, the faster we can save the ship. The point is: the concept of clearly defined “roles and responsibilities” is no longer existent. We’re all manning the fire hose. Whoever gets off first starts dinner. Whoever has a big meeting on Tuesday gets a little more priority. What happens when you both have something big at the same time? Electronics are on the team, too! Don’t let the fire get out of control. Disney+ can absolutely be your other hoseman.
Make it to burger day.
You’ll notice a theme here: taking things in chunks. Same goes for fun weekly routines. As a naval officer, I never really knew what I would encounter while floating somewhere in the middle of the ocean. But the one thing I could always count on was Wednesday burger day. On Wednesdays, “How are you doing?” was generally met with “It’s burger day!” or “One more burger day down!” There is comfort in consistency. Make a weekly family routine exciting, and have it mark time. Whether it’s a family dinner (ours is Taco Tuesday), game night or a weekend hike, give your family something they can really count on. And if a weekly meal routine is your thing, it also makes meal planning for that day a little easier. You can make it to burger day.
Maintain a culture of fitness.
Let the kids have fun with this one. Fitness challenges were the norm on deployment. It was easy to fall into an eat, work, sleep cycle when every day felt like Groundhog Day. Sound familiar? Do a daily push-up challenge, me-and-baby yoga, or go for a run. Find exercises that appeal to everyone and make it fun, with a little competition sprinkled in. If you have little ones who aren’t quite ready to participate, stroller jogging, a bike ride, or a quick strength workout as they enjoy some tummy time can be a huge game changer for your mental wellbeing during the day.
Everyone loves mail call.
The best day on deployment is mail day. Letters and boxes from loved ones really boosted morale and broke up the monotony of day-to-day deployment life. We have implemented a version of this with our neighbors to keep the kids connected. It’s always nice to see the look on our toddler’s face when he opens the door and there is some artwork from a friend. Set aside craft time a few times a week. It keeps them occupied while they proudly create Picasso-esque masterpieces for you, their friends or to mail to a family member. When you’re able, tape it to the recipient’s door or simply drop it in the mail for those further away. If you have older kids that may not want to draw, this is a great time to have a pen pal. Everyone loves getting some personal mail.
The team concept is critical.
Everyone’s effort will total 100 percent, but who is carrying the load may change from day to day, depending on necessity. If you have babies, wearing them makes many tasks easier. If they are mobile, set up their area the night before and rotate toys in and out of use to give them something different to play with. Keep a routine, while acknowledging you may be required to adjust at any given time. Communicate your boundaries and needs with a succinct plan to meet the overall objectives, whether with your partner on the home front, or with your team on the work front. Your kids may not remember specific details about this time period, but they will remember how you made them feel. For the little ones who may not be able to express themselves as well, remember that they are not trying to be inconvenient. It’s easy to get frustrated when you’re taking a call in the bathroom to hide from the herd, but when the day is over, reconvene as a family and figure out what could have made it better. Plan ahead, communicate, and have some fun. Remember, together everyone achieves more (TEAM), and this too shall pass.
Lieutenant Gaby Cavins is a former Naval officer and the Director of Employee Success for MommaWork. MommaWork helps working parents maintain an upward career trajectory, while achieving all of their parenting goals by connecting working parents with industry experts that assist with everything from breastfeeding, sleep and childrearing issues to creating transition plans, navigating difficult workplace conversations and co-parenting. Gaby is also a Certified Lactation Educator Counselor, “return to work” expert and working mother of two.
Family
The lessons she learned during deployment are helping her family stay sane right now.
“The lessons we took from our experiences in the Navy have allowed us to maintain our (and our children’s) sanity, stay productive, communicate effectively and have a…
